were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
