I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
