Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
