There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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