im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
