I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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