He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
