I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
