i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
