What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
