the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
