Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
