Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize