A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize