for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
