I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
50% drunk capacity currently
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
