..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
