Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if only i could text you this smell
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
