every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
