Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
