i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
