i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
