we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
