hell yes lets make some ravioli
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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