They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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