Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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