im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
His nipple licking is glorious
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