I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
