A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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