I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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