And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
