Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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