She is in my trunk
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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