Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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