I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
