Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
