Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
