i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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