already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
