Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's rum buckets o'clock
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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