She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
