after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
