yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
