Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize