The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
