She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
