I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
