Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
