got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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