woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize