Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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