11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
