I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
