my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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