We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
