Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
