I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
