fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
