I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
