FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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