I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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