Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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