the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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