this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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