there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
