thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
