there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
